Monday, January 18, 2010
Love and Motherhood
Its very easy to love someone when they have done something nice for you or are being in any way love-able. Not so easy to love someone when I haven't had some "me" time in days. Like a trip out of the house alone or time in the house alone. Times when my edges are stretched to the very limits and I feel like I wanna burst. Any Mother knows these times- I imagine. Just as we all know those times when our child is practicing giving kisses or lays her sweet little head onto you chest. These sweet moments make all this fuss worth it. they are the sparkling green summer breeze days that make life. But we do not nessesarily grow in these moments.
Its not so easy to love when I don't see the sparkling green filtered sunshine tickling the world. Its not as easy to love when I have to. When I really want to not have to right now. When I just want to curl up on the floor like a little egg and pout like a baby and be left alone. But that is what mothering is. Making lunch when I have spent way too much time in the kitchen. Patiently nursing a squirmy tired little angel baby while she drifts off to sleep even though I don't want anyone touching me right now.
It has stretched my very limits, expanded my edges further and bigger that I would have ever believed myself capable. It has required of me depths of patience and self control I couldn't have known were there withing me in any other way.
I hate it when I loose it. When I let my emotions have my control for a moment. I realize now that what I am loosing is the opportunity to gain a moment of strength. I would be a bigger and better me. So I suppose I can thank all those in my life who have made things ,ahem, difficult. After all it seems the more difficult relationships are the most rewarding ones as well.
at 1:39 PM