Monday, March 8, 2010

Working Through Discouragement

I have been very discouraged about blogging this week. We have all been sick. Its the end of winter and there is just that gloomy end of winter funk around this house, inside my heart.(In the world of a Cancerian house=heart) I torment myself with all sorts of mean things in this very critical and imaginative little brain of mine.

Why bother?
I have no idea what I'm doing.
There are a million other very professional, computer savvy, and brilliant people out there blogging.
My pictures are stupid.
Everything I do is stupid.
See? even my self criticism is ridiculous.
Who am I to tell the world anything about anything?

Well. I am going to bet that I am not the only person who has these thoughts sometimes. I read a quote the other day that went something along the lines of.... "Courage is not the absence of fear, but the in the facing it and doing what one must do anyway" I'm paraphrasing.
So even though right now I feel vulnerable, petty, over dramatic, I feel its important that I keep showing up to this page. this is a goal I have made for myself. I won't always feel like this. Someday soon I will feel bold, and inspired and proud. I want to have this place to come back to, and not as a neglected untended garden but as a place that I showed up to and kept in touch with for better or worse. Kinda like marriage:) or mothering for that matter.

So here I am blog land. You're stuck with me.


  1. Honey, you have one of the most charming writing voices I have ever read--whether you're blogging about a bus ride in India or the stuff of daily living. You are unique, adorable and wise beyond your young years. Keep trusting your intuition sweetheart. I would miss you terribly if you left this page--partly because I'm your mom, but not ONLY because of that. I hope you don't mind, but I'm going to answer your questions:
    1) Because you have stuff to say
    2) Yeah, a lot of people can type or create cute websites, but you have insight; that's a rare gift.
    3)I LOVE your pictures. . . they make your writing sing!!! I wish I knew how to upload some. ha!
    4) Give me a break. . . NO WAY!!!! We could all have a "stupid" contest and everyone would get a prize for being human.
    5) Ridiculous means worthy of ridicule. Don't even GO THERE. . . every moment counts and everything you do is purposeful.
    6) You are that little chili pepper on that assembly line of bland squares.

    I love you and love reading what you have to say. So honey, feel better, say it and be YOU!!!!!!!!!!! Pleeeeaaase. . Love, Ma

  2. By the way, this website makes me feel sooooo proud of you--and inspired this old lady to finally do it. . .

  3. You wrote EXACTLY what I've been thinking and feeling this week!!! I started writing the same thing and just didn't have the energy to finish it.
    I don't even know you but I feel proud of you for writing this even with these feelings. It is courage in action.
    Your mother is awesome!I have to agree with her comment.

  4. I just have to take time to comment on this. The thing that made me say YES, YES, is your moms #6. EXACTLY! That's you. Always has been. Love you, Grandma